I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
