She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
