Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
