hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize