I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
