just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
