the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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