he puts the penis in happiness.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
