you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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