She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
