went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is my gift to your gina
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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