Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
