I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
