Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
