I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
