we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
