Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(808): View more from Hawaii

and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.

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(404): View more from Georgia

look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose

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(312): View more from Illinois

so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.

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(813): View more from Florida

They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.

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(903): View more from Texas

All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.

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(586): View more from Michigan

She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.

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