first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
