The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
