Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
