I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I looked at my own cervix.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
