i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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