Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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