I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
