we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
