One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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