I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
