Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
