Duck Duck Cougar?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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