Michael Bay diarrhea
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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