just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
