there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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