I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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