just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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