I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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