Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
