really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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