Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
