I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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