He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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