i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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