end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
