just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
