Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
