You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
