Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
