I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
