My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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