I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
