I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
