i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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