Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
