party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you had me at cake vodka
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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