Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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