Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
