please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
