Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
