You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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