Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
