I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
