Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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