actually, I'm a sock model
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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