I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
