Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize