Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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