Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
