took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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