he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
