Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A bitchslap is in order.
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