my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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